Martyrdom

I don’t know how to start this entry. The day’s been pretty much eventful – yet at this very moment I feel frustrated again. It desecrated the morale I have for myself. I want to cry but for some reason I can’t… maybe my tears just got tired because they fall for the same reason over and over again. I really can’t think of a better way to say that – I know it sounds sickening.

I guess, with the capacity I still have to tell properly how the day unfolded…

~~~~~

That was how I was supposed to start my entry but then the forces in the universe conspired again to arrest progress in the post – so the flow of my ideas has already changed dramatically by this time. The misery subsided and my emotional status was back to- er- placid.

By the way, I was not able to update for the past few days because I was on the road most of the time. I felt like exercising my newfound privileges as an incoming college freshman – and my idea of putting that into effect is riding the van and having on-the-spot excursions.

So what happened these past few days?

Last Saturday, I was walking to Ministop when I bumped into a familiar face.

Oh, Auria.

(Note: The following conversations are as best as I can remember.)

Au: Pau! Kamusta ka na? Ngayon lang tayo ulit nagkita…
I: Er…hi Au.
Au: Saan ka galing?

(After about 30 minutes of the usual shit)

Au: Namimiss ko classmates natin!
I: Er…
Au: Mag-reunion tayo! Gusto ko mag-reunion!
I: Okay…okay lang…
Au: Bago tayo mag-college!
I: Er – wala akong communication sa iba –
Au: So what? Eh di magbahay-bahay tayo!
I: Alam mo kung saan bahay nila?
Au: Siyempre! Ako pa.
I: Er…lilibre mo ko pamasahe?
Au: Ano ka? Yaman-yaman mo eh –
I: Ayan ka na naman eh.

I thought for a moment…I’ve got nothing to lose anyway…and I have nothing to do at home…so okay…for a change…

I: So…sinong una?
Au: Hmm…sino bang pinakamalapit dito?(*malicious grin*)Ah…si Garry.
I: Okay. Alam mo bahay ‘nun?
Au:(eyes narrowed and malicious grin) Uuuy…
I: (Naturally, what she’s implying had no effect whatsoever) Waw. Kinikilig ako.

Well, so I followed Au to that unchartered part of the world. She’s so damn accurate we ended up asking people for directions.

Anyway, there was a bit of amusement when we reached the house.

Au: Er…magandang umaga po…si Garry po?
Adult: Ako na ito.
Au: Er…si Garry po?
Adult: Ano ‘yun?
Au:…si Garry?
Adult: Ako na nga ito. Anong kailangan mo?
Au: Si Garry nga po.

I could see my friend’s blood pressure rising when I remembered something.

I: Er – si Garry po – ‘yung anak niyo po.
Au:(look-of-someone-who-finally-realized-he-had-been-a-nincompoop) Oo nga pala! Junior nga pala siya!

Turned out that Garry was outside. Luckily we saw him just after we went out of their vicinity.

As I expected, Au acted like some match-maker again but I frustrated her.

She would not give up, however, she allowed Garry to come with us without asking for second opinion.

As if she could expect something cheesy.

~~~

I remembered a couple of conversations I had that day. The first one’s funny – well – it’s funny for me.

Garry: Kinakabahan ako.
I: Er…bakit?
Garry: Kasi kasama kita.
I: Ganun?
Garry: Nanginginig kaya ako…
I: Gusto mo ng ice cream?

The second’s – er- well…it’s funny as well.

Au: Ikaw talaga lagi mong ginaganun si Garry.
I: Hoy wala akong ginagawang masama ha!
Au: Bakit ba binabasted mo ‘yun? Gwapo naman siya…blah blah blah…
I:…
Au: Blah, blah, blah…
I: Hmmm…siguro dahil gwapo siya at blah blah blah blah…
Au: (quizzical look) Di ko rin magets takbo ng isip mo.
I: Sana nga gets ko rin.

Then I remembered the real reason why I keep on giving Garry a hard time.

Maybe it’s karma.

~~~

The rest of the – er- project went smoothly. It was fun since some of my former classmates joined me and Au in our martyrdom-for-the-reunion – oh I’m sorry – it’s Au’s lang pala.

I was dumbfounded – well – to be honest – more like disappointed when I found out one of my classmates got herself...er..pregnant.

But I’m just glad she’s still the same old nice person that she was.

I did not expect her to be that way…but there’s nothing we can do now…except help.

Whatever.

~~~

It’s been a year since I last saw Lev. The last time I saw was in our reunion. That time, well…he was pushing for his chances for – er – you get the drift.

Again I remembered the reason why I turned him down.

It’s been well over a year na pala…I’ve been keeping my feelings longer than I thought…

Back to Lev.

I’m glad that he changed somewhat. Well, he’s taller…the hair changed – for the better. Longer – but better. He told he had better affiliations and priorities. That’s good.

Lev and I had been good friends for quite some time.

But we lost touch after some incident – that’s another long story.

~~~

He’s ignoring me again.

This time, I really have no idea why he’s being snobbish.

Come on, you’re wasting your resources on this cold war you’re waging.

You’re doing this…in SUMMER?!!

God damn – you’re waging a cold war at a time like this? sa time na hindi pa kita nakikita?

Sigh.

"I wanna push you away...well I will...then I will..."