Letters

Yes. To you - you know who you are:

Yes, I WAS enraged that day. I really was. It was a special appointment for Linnaeus. And I mean SPECIAL. Matinong usapan. It’s not everyday that we get together – all of us – the last time was when we ate together in Jollibee. ..and that was months ago. That was also a SPECIAL photo session. We had fun (as always) and we talked about…stuff too.

So why was I infuriated?

Because of all the people to be absent, it’s YOU.

And you saw us already.

But you didn’t join us.

What could be more important?

Okay, just for your sake, the clearance thing will be tolerable…but that wouldn’t last for HOURS, would it? You could just have appeared later and say “Sorry na-late ako..I did something blah blah blah…” pero ang masama roon, you didn’t.

And to think, you were present in similar appointments with your second year and fourth year sections.

But you did not even show up in Linnaeus.

So now you know why my nostrils are fuming.

Anyway, enough about that. I’m not mad anymore. It just took me a night to cool my head off.

And yes, I am very sorry that I called you “gay”. I didn’t mean to – I’m just mad I could not control my mouth. I don’t really trust myself when I’m livid – I can’t help but hurt other people. Yes, my paranoia took over me. I’m sorry for that.

So…what were you saying? That I only did things for MY own satisfaction? That I never cared about you?

Maybe you’re talking about yourself.

Lahat ginawa ko para sa iyo.

Even when you do nothing in return.

Because I ask for nothing in return.

I don’t want to enumerate – baka sabihin mo na naman pinapamukha ko sa iyo.

I ask for nothing in return.

And it will remain as it is.

Maybe the wrong thing I did is that I told my FRIENDS my not-so-sad story. I was not even serious when I told them about that because it was meant to be a JOKE.

JOKE.

JOKE.

And besides…even if it’s not a joke, I will still tell my friends. Because they are my FRIENDS. And friends tell each other what’s bothering them. Because they TRUST each other.

Maybe you got angry with that because you don’t trust your friends.

By the way, enough about this. I’m sorry with what I have said. I’m losing my head because you keep on ignoring me. Look, I’m really sorry that I hurt you with the homosexuality thing but please understand, I was just mad and yes, I admit, I was just jealous.

Please stop ignoring me. I was trying to reach out to you.

I love you very much…and you know what? I know it’s stupid but I call you every once in a while…but I know you’re keeping the lines busy.

To the other person:

I appreciate you talking about this. I did realize some things and I thank you for that.

However…

I believe you’ve pretty much judgmental about me.

Therefore, allow me to straighten out a few things…

1. He is not my boyfriend (Even though I wanted him to be…I wanted very much…but well…you know him.)
2. I’m not saying you’re gay. (Maybe you ASSUMED that I’m calling you gay because you ASSUMED that I’m thinking that you’re stealing him away from me but hell no, I am not. Believe me, when I talk about it with other people, I’m treating it as no more than a JOKE. For example,

Friend: Nasan jugjug mo?

I: Ha? Ayun, kasama si fafa (insert name here) niya.

*tawanan*

And for goodness sake, you, (insert your name here), a GAY?! I’ve been friends with a couple of girls you had been involved with…and I mean FRIENDS so I know there’s not even the least probability that you’ll be one.

And yeah…another thing…even if you’re really stealing him away…you can’t steal something that I don’t even have. Oh…rephrase…I can’t lose something I don’t even have, right?)

3. I am not slandering you. God, I don’t even give a damn about you. It’s just that, I love gossip. Ask him. Tsismosa talaga ako. That’s why I love blog-hopping. The internet expands my gossip network. I discover a lot of things through blogs and yes, YM statuses.
4. My friends are well out of this. In fact, we’re not even treating this as a serious matter. It’s just something that we can tease him with. It’s no big thing because it’s just a joke. You’re actually thinking that my friends will give a damn about this. They won’t gang up on you unlike a bunch of kids because they have enough sense not to. You’re undermining them. Yeah, I won’t even urge them to make away of you.
5. I am not a saint. You don’t have to tell me.
6. You’re so darn lucky because he lets you touch his..er…stomach….does he have abs? I’ve been attempting to do that for months now.
7. Attitude problem? Tell me about it.
8. I’m not “malibog”. “Manyakis” lang ako.

So that’s about it. I don’t want any of this now that we’re graduating on Wednesday…Good luck! And yeah, “she” will not give a damn too. We’re not that immature as you think.